Dying
by RemmysGal
Summary: Victoria Rokaway abandoned everything she knew after the Potters' death and her boyfriend Sirius' sentence to Azkaban. After Sirius' death, Victoria must face her ghosts and return to the place she forgot long ago.
1. Default Chapter

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Dying

By: RemmysGal

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize. 

Summary: This is told from the view of a witch named Victoria Rokaway. It takes place after OotP.

Victoria Rokaway was the best friend of Lily Evans. They attended Hogwarts together and worked at the Ministry together in the Department of Experimental Charms. Since Lily Evans married the one James Potter, it seemed almost expected for Victoria to fall for one of his friends. That friend turned out to be Sirius Black. After the Potters' death, Peter being blasted to bits, and Sirius sent to Azkaban, Victoria left England and headed to America. There she became a bookstore owner and lived as a Muggle. She wanted to forget everything that had happened, wanted to begin anew. But that changed one day. This is her story.

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"Rokaway Reading, Victoria speaking." A woman around the age of thirty-five answered the phone inside of a tiny dusty bookstore. She had long honey hair and piercing blue-gray eyes. She looked tired, and had just about enough for the day when the phone rang.

"Hello Victoria, it's Remus Lupin," a British voice sounded from the other end.

Clunk. The phone dropped.

*~~~~~~~~*fLaShBaCk*~~~~~~~*

"Is there room in here for one more? If there's not, or you'd rather be alone, I understand." A little girl with auburn curls and almond shaped, emerald green eyes stuck her head inside of the compartment. "Everywhere else is full, except for a compartment with four boys in it, but they were mean."

Victoria nodded. She didn't have any friends anyway to sit with. She was off by herself to a place where magic was made and it was normal to fly on a broom. The girl came in and sat across from Victoria.

"Hello," the girl said shyly. "My name's Lily, Lily Evans."

"I'm Victoria Rokaway," they shook hands.

*~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~*

"Hello? Vic? Are you there?" the voice of the man named Remus Lupin came through the end of the phone. Victoria reached to the ground and grabbed the phone.

"Yea—" she coughed, her throat wouldn't work, "Yes, Remus, I'm here."

"How are you Vic?" Remus' voice asked through the phone.

"Why are you calling me, Remus?" Victoria asked shakily. She had no contact with the wizarding world for the past fifteen years. Why was an old friend from school calling her now?

"Victoria, I have some bad news…" Remus said nervously.

"Bad news? What happened Remus?" Victoria asked frantically. If someone from the wizarding world had bothered to call her in America to tell her something, it must be bad.

"It's about Sirius." Remus said 

Victoria's heart stopped beating. "S-Sirius? Sirius B-Bl-Black?"

"Yes Victoria. Sirius is dead."

…I'm Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again…  
…I'm Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived…  
…There's a shade come over this heart that's coping with laying down to rest…  
…I'm Dying to live without you again…

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Author's Note: I know it's a bit confusing, but it will clear up. I feel very brave starting a new story, but I really wanted to do a story on this. Hope it was okay, that was just the beginning, chapters will be longer. You'll find out more about Sirius and Victoria in the next chapter. Hope this isn't AU, I'm trying to stick with the books. Please review…I'd like maybe 3 reviews…actually just one would make me very happy…but 2 or 3 would make me ecstatic!! 

Reviews make me feel loved. If you want to feel the love, just click that little button on the bottom and send me a word!

Much love,

RemmysGal


	2. Chapter 2

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Dying

By: RemmysGal

Disclaimer: Victoria Rokaway is mine. Everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.

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"It's about Sirius." Remus said.

Victoria's heart stopped beating. "S-Sirius? Sirius B-Bl-Black?"

"Yes Victoria. Sirius is dead."

*---------------------------------------------------*

"Victoria!" A 20-year-old Sirius Black opened the door of his London flat and walked inside. It smelled like his girlfriend was cooking dinner. And what an excellent cook she was. What did it smell like tonight? Sirius thought as he sniffed. Ah, chicken and spaghetti. Very good.

"Sirius? Is that you?" Victoria's voice echoed through the house. Sirius padded softly through the house to the kitchen. Victoria was at the stove, her back to Sirius. He walked up behind her, and slipped his arms around her waist. She shrieked and jumped up.

Victoria turned around to see her boyfriend grinning madly at her. "Sirius!" she snapped playfully, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. "How many times have I told you not to do that?"

"Only every day," he replied, cupping her face in his hands and leaning down to give her a soft kiss on her lips, which she returned.

"God, I love you," he whispered when they broke apart.

"I love you too," she replied.

****

*-------------------------------------------------------*

Victoria's heart stopped beating. She stood behind the counter of the store, staring at the phone receiver for what seemed like hours before Remus Lupin's voice came through the receiver.

"Vic? Are you alright? Talk to me—"

"I'm here Remus," Victoria's voice was trembling with tears waiting to surface.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"Bloody Hell."

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*--------------------------------------------------------*

"Hey Rock, how's that homework coming?" A sixteen-year-old Sirius Black entered the Gryffindor common room, making his way to the corner of the room by the fire where fellow sixteen-year-old Gryffindor Victoria Rokaway was sitting in one of the armchairs with books and parchment spread all over the place. She didn't look up as he walked over. "Didn't you hear me Vic?"

"Yes, Sirius, I heard you but that doesn't mean I'm inclined to respond," Victoria replied coolly without looking up.

"But you responded anyway," Sirius said pleasantly, "which means you do want to talk to me. So why don't you quit that homework for a moment and we can have a nice friendly chat."

"Why don't you go bother Remus?"

"You know him, he's exactly like you, doing homework. But I can't bother him cause he knows too many hexes. You wouldn't hex me. Plus Pince would die of shock if I entered the library since I never go there, and I'm feeling generous so I'd like to keep her around a while more."

"I'd hex you Sirius. I'd hex you right now if I didn't have to finish all this homework."

"No you wouldn't, you love me too much."

"Right. Go bother Peter then."

"Kitchens, pigging out. I'm trying to maintain my figure, thank you. Besides, I'd get weighed down if I eat to much then I can't play up to my potential on the pitch."

"What figure?"

"Come on, Rock, you know you like my figure."

"Then go find James and maintain your figure with him."

"Can't."

"Why?"

"He's off snogging Lily in some closet." Victoria's head shot up. "Aha! I knew that one would get you to look up!"

"Don't go spreading things like that about Lily!"

"Hey, I'm just saying it like it is, I saw them. Our precious Prefect and soon to be Head Girl is snogging James Potter, Mr. Prongs, and Marauder Extraodinare!"

"So you're here bothering me with rubbish while I'm trying to work just because you have nothing better to do?" Victoria asked.

"Yep, pretty much." Sirius replied cheerfully. Victoria sighed and put down her books and parchment. "Ha! I knew I could get you to stop working!"

"Yes, well I've stopped now, was there anything in particular you wanted to talk about?"

"I just wanted to hear your beautiful voice," Sirius said smoothly.

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Sirius," Victoria responded, "but not with me,"

"You'll learn to love me in the end."

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"Vic," Remus' voice sounded again, this time almost urgently. "You need to…er…come…back." He finished somewhat nervously.

"Come back? Why?" Victoria thought she would never go back. "This is my home, I have a job, friends, a flat…I mean apartment, I can't just leave it all now. Why are you calling me to tell me this anyway? Sirius is in Azkaban. Most criminals die in Azkaban anyway of insanity. And Sirius was insane."

"No he wasn't Vic," Remus began.

"Yes he was Remus. He killed my best friend! Your best friends! He sold them out, he killed them for a little bit of power—"

"No he didn't."

"Why are you denying it? You know it was him. He was laughing, laughing like a maniac, like a murderer—"

"Peter is a murderer."

"Peter Pettigrew?"

****

*---------------------------------------------------------------*

"Um…Victoria?" 17-year-old Victoria's head shot up from the table in the Library. How long have I been here? I didn't know I fell asleep, she thought. She turned and saw 17-year-old Peter Pettigrew standing in front of her nervously (Peter is not a wimp in my story! He's just as cool as James, Sirius, and Remus, but kinda shy.)

"Hey, Peter," she said casually. Peter smiled.

"Hey, um, Sirius wanted me to tell you that he wants to meet you under the tree by the lake now."

"Any idea why?" Victoria asked.

"No, he just said for me to tell you. He had something in his hand though."

"What was it?" Victoria asked eagerly.

"Dunno, it was wrapped. So you'd better go meet him, huh?"

"Wha? Oh, yeah," Victoria got up and put her things in her bag. "Thanks, Pete," she said smiling as she walked, no sprinted out of the library.

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"Vic, if you come back, I'll explain it to you. I can't right now." Remus said, almost urgently.

"No," Victoria became stubborn. She could be very stubborn if she wanted to, and she wanted to right now. She wanted to believe that Sirius Black, the love of her life for 3 years, was responsible for killing her best friend and it wasn't some shy little boy who hung out with him. She wanted to be mad. Mad at him for something. She needed a reason to cover herself. "Sirius Black killed the Potters' and Peter."

"That's what you thought happened, Vic. I know the truth."

"How Remus? How do you, and only you apparently, know the truth?"

"If you come back, it will all be explained. Did you know he escaped?"

"Escaped? Who?"

"Sirius. He escaped from Azkaban."

"When?"

"About two years ago."

"Remus Lupin, you get yourself over to this continent right now and explain it to me, I am not, repeat NOT going back there until I fully understand what happened."

"On my way."

Remus hung up the phone three thousand miles away and sighed.

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I'm Dying, Dying to find a distraction, get you away from me  
I'm Dying, Dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see  
It's the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent  
I'm Dying to live without you again  


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Author's Note: Well I am somewhat pleased with that chapter. I'm lucky it's my Easter break and I can write. After next week, I may not be posting as much, cause life will go back to soccer, glee club, and the never-ending History paper. 

And thanks so much to Lina and Mio for reviewing…it means so much to me. Glad you liked the story.

Please hit that little button and tell me what you think.

Much Love,

RemmysGal


	3. Chapter 3

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Dying

By: RemmysGal

Disclaimer: You know the deal…Victoria is mine, nothing else is. Oh, and the parts of the song down the bottom are Dying by Five for Fighting, so that's not mine either.

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"So, how did it go?" A voice asked from the study as a man stuck his head out. The man was Arthur Weasley, and he was speaking to Remus Lupin, who had just hung up the phone inside the kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

"What?" Remus looked up at Arthur. "Oh, well, all right I suppose."

"Is she coming?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm going there." Arthur was shocked.

"Why?" he asked.

"Dunno, she said she's not coming until I go over there and explain everything to her. So I'm going."

Arthur nodded. "I'll tell Molly to make some supper before you leave. When do you leave?"

"Tonight." 

"Okay, then." Arthur walked out of the study and up the stairs.

"Arthur?" Remus called. Arthur turned.

"Yeah?" he said.

"Thanks."

Arthur smiled. "No problem, Remus." He went up the stairs.

Remus sighed again and shook his head. Then he followed Arthur up the stairs and went to his room. He needed to pack his belongings. He reached under the bed and pulled out a shabby worn suitcase.

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Victoria Rokaway hung up the phone and sighed. She shook her head, her honey hair shaking with it. Sirius was dead. She wasn't supposed to care. She gave up on Sirius Black a long time ago. She gave up on the wizarding world a long time ago. They claimed to be better than others, than Muggles. But it all resulted in the same thing. Death. Betrayal. No matter how much they claimed they could do, they couldn't stop death. They couldn't stop friends from betraying friends for their own foolish pride.

She slammed her hand down on the counter. Dust lifted from where she had hit it.

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------* 

"SIRIUS BLACK!" a voice screamed from the girls' dormitory in Gryffindor Tower. The door could be heard opening and closing with a slam as two pairs of feet pounded down the stairs. 14-year-olds Victoria Rokaway and Lily Evans entered, looking positively livid. They looked furiously around the common room, their eyes resting on a group of four boys sitting in the armchairs by the fire.

"Sirius Black," Victoria snarled. 14-year-old Sirius looked up at her. Then he smiled his gorgeous smile, the one that made all the girls at Hogwarts swoon. Well, almost all of them.

"Yes, Rock?" he replied sweetly.

"Don't you dare use that innocent and harmless look on me! Would you care to explain how the girls' dormitory is now covered in Bubotuber pus?"

Sirius looked shocked. Then he looked at his three friends, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. "Mates, do we know how Bubotuber pus is now covering the girls' dormitory?"

"No, we don't," they all replied sweetly in unison.

"And it couldn't have been us," James said casually.

"And why not, Potter?" Lily snapped at him. He just gave her a dazzling grin.

"You should know, Evans," he replied.

"Why would I know that?" she asked him.

"Because, oh dear smart one, you must have _Hogwarts, A History_ memorized by now, and I believe there is something in there about the girls' staircases turning into a slide when a boy tries to go up it?"

Lily blinked. "Yes," she said, "there is." James smiled triumphantly and shot a thumbs up behind his back to his three friends. "But that doesn't mean," Lily began angrily, "that you…you…Marauders… that you are couldn't have found a way up the girls' staircase!"

"Yes, but Lily how could you prove it?" Sirius asked sweetly.

The girls looked at him. They gave the boys one last icy glare before turning and walking out of the common room. Victoria stopped before she climbed out of the portrait hole. 

"That was really immature Black," she said, her voice quiet. She wasn't even sure Sirius had heard her. Then she turned and climbed out of the portrait hole.

Sirius heard her. But as his friends slapped him on the back and congratulated each other, Victoria's last words were pushed out of his mind.

*------------------------------------------------------------------------* 

Remus Lupin apparated in front of Victoria Rokaway's flat, or the flat an operator on a local telephone told him was her house. He looked at it. It was old and worn, but you could tell it had a homey feeling to it. It seemed so out of place with its busy and upbeat surroundings. It was just like Victoria, out of place, somewhere she was not supposed to be. Remus knew why she left. To an extent of course. Sirius never told him the real story why they broke up. He supposed James knew, but James wasn't alive anymore. And neither was Sirius. This was the only place to give a story, and possibly get one in return. 
    Remus sighed heavily and walked up the brick walk to the door. He set his suitcase down, took a deep breath, and knocked.
****    *---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

…The first time you left I said goodbye…  
…Now there's not a prayer that can survive…  
…Dying, Dying to die just to come back so we can meet again…

*---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*  


Author's Note: Well that chapter was really short, I know, but I'm actually kinda happy with it. Sorry for the cliffhanger, it just seemed like a good place to stop. I'm not really letting any information slip out yet, but if you pay attention, you may read between the lines and see where I'm going. 

Please…Please….PLEASE review!! If you have time to read this, then you definitely have time to click that little box on the bottom and type a couple words to me…Pretty Please?

Much Love,

RemmysGal

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	4. Chapter 4

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Dying

By: RemmysGal

Disclaimer: Alright…I'm going to say this for the last time…this will be the disclaimer for all future chapters…I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU RECOGNIZE. ALL CHARACTERS, NAMES, PLACES, OBJECTS BELONG TO J.K. ROWLING AND WARNER BROS. DYING IS A SONG BY FIVE FOR FIGHTING. I DON'T OWN THAT EITHER. THE ONLY THING I OWN IS VICTORIA ROKAWAY. THANKS YOU.

*----------------------------------------------------------------------*

Victoria was sitting on her couch watching television when she heard a knock at the door. She sighed, got up, and went to the door.

When she opened it, she saw 36-year-old Remus Lupin standing in front of her.

"Hello, Victoria," he said.

****

*----------------------------------------------------------------------*

Eleven-year old Victoria Rokaway at down at the Gryffindor House Table with a sigh. She was so happy and relieved the Sorting Hat had placed her in Gryffindor. How horrified would she have been if she had been placed in Slytherin with that greasy boy Serverus who tried to befriend her and the other girl, Lily Evans, until he found out Lily was Muggle-Born and became all nasty. 

"Hello," a voice said shyly from next to her. Victoria looked at the boy sitting next to her. He had sandy coloured hair and amber eyes. He looked really tired. _Maybe he doesn't like train rides and he got all nervous or something,_ Victoria thought as she smile at him.

"Hello," she replied, "welcome to Gryffindor."

He grinned at her. "You too," he said enthusiastically, and he stuck out his hand. "My name's Remus, Remus Lupin." Victoria smiled and shook his hand.

"Victoria Rokaway. Nice to meet you." Remus nodded. At that moment a streak of red sat down next to Victoria. It was Lily Evans, the girl Victoria had befriended on the train.

"Oh, Victoria!" Lily squealed and hugged Victoria. "I'm so happy you're in the same house as me! I thought you were going to be in some other house and then I'd be left alone to myself and I wouldn't know anyone!" She looked at Remus Lupin, who was watching Lily with a slightly amused look on his face. Lily's cheeks turned slightly red. "Oh," she said, slightly unnerved. "Hello. My name's Lily Evans. Who are you?"

Remus smiled, as if Lily was a mildly interesting television show. "Lupin," he said quietly, "Remus Lupin."

"Well, nice to meet you Remus," Lily said, "welcome to Gryffindor!"

Remus looked as if he was about to say something along the lines of "You too," but at that moment, the headmaster Albus Dumbledore stood up and the entire hall became very quiet. Lily, Remus, and Victoria looked at the imposing figure that stood at the center of the Head Table. 

Albus Dumbledore was an old man with a silvery beard, not yet as long as it would become, and twinkling blue eyes behind his usual moon shaped spectacles. He had an authority about him that made no one challenge him. It seemed like nothing could go wrong when Dumbledore was in charge.

"Welcome," he began, his voice not very loud, but echoing throughout the hall, "to another year at Hogwarts. To our old faces, welcome back! To the new faces, welcome here! I hope you shall find these halls of learning as wonderful as people have told you! So, without any more of my mindless chatter, I say, Tuck In!" And he sat down and clapped his hands.

Immediately the golden plates in front of them filled with mountains of food. Victoria's jaw dropped. She had never seen this much food in her life. Remus looked at her and smiled amusedly. "Hungry?" he asked.

"Starving," she answered, while picking up a roll. "Those Pumpkin Pastries seemed ages ago."

Remus laughed. "Yeah, Chocolate frogs don't really fill that pallet do they?" he said as he too reached for a roll. Victoria laughed. 

She turned to Lily and grinned. Lily was drinking out of her goblet pumpkin juice, and she grinned back.

****

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"Remus," Victoria said, he voice cracking. "Hi."

"Hi," he replied, smiling slightly. Victoria looked at him curiously.

"So," she began, " he's…dead?"

"Sirius?" Remus asked. Victoria looked at him and nodded. "Yeah," he said.

"In Azkaban?"

"At the Ministry of Magic."

"Why was he there?"

"To stop Voldemort…"

"Voldemort is dead, Lupin," 

"Vic, please let me in. I'll explain everything," Remus said, his voice pleading.

Victoria sighed. "Alright," she consented, and opened the door for Remus.

Victoria's apartment, or flat as she sometimes said when it slipped, was typical of the American muggle. There was a small living room with a couch and a chair, a television and a coffee table. Connected to that was a simple kitchen/dining room with a round white table with four white chairs around it. A short hallway led to a bathroom and what looked like two bedrooms.

But it seemed bigger than what it looked like on the outside. Remus smiled. Some magic had been done to this apartment.

Victoria led Remus into the living room. He sat down on the couch and she perched on the chair. She looked at Remus nervously. "So," she began.

"Vic, I have a lot to tell you," Remus began, his voice soothing to her ears. Victoria opened her mouth to respond, but Remus held up his hand. "There is a lot that happened while you were away. It is a very long story, and a very hard one to tell. But we need to agree on something."

"What?" Victoria asked, confused.

"That you tell me what happened to you all these years in return for what I am about to tell you." Remus stated,

Victoria's eye contact with Remus was broken as she looked away. "Oh Remus, I can't."

"Why not?" Remus asked sharply.

"Don't be mad at me, but it's so hard. I left because I thought he killed them, I didn't care what happened to him, he killed my, our, best friends. Then you come here and tell me everything I thought was wrong, that he didn't do it, and now he's dead. It's just so confusing, and I…" Victoria was crying now, the tears rolling down her cheeks. Remus got up from his couch and crouched down in front of Victoria. He took her chin in his hand raised her head until her eyes met his. In them he saw hurt, and betrayal. But he also saw hope, and, love.

"Victoria, I know it's hard. But what I'm going to tell you is the truth. Even Harry believes it."

"Harry? My…godson?"

****

*----------------------------------------------------------------*

"Oh, Lily, he's beautiful! And…sweet Merlin… he looks just like James!" Twenty-year-old Victoria exclaimed as she ran into the Delivery Wing of St. Mungo's Hospital. 

Lily laughed. "Yes, he does." She looked up at James, who was standing next to Lily. James and Harry looked exactly alike, it was true. Harry had that messy black hair, that even as a baby, wouldn't lie flat. They had the same face, same chin. But whereas James eyes were hazel, Harry's eyes were a brilliant emerald green. Lily's eyes.

James kissed Lily on the forehead. "The little marauder's going to be just like me when he grows up!"

"Oh no he won't! Not if I have anything to do about it!" Lily answered, laughing.

"Come on, you know that no woman can resist the Potter charm!" James playfully teased.

"Don't I know it!" Victoria chipped in.

"Hey!" a voice said from the door. Twenty-year-old Sirius Black entered the wing. "Now I know how you really feel," Sirius pretended to be hurt.

"Yes Sirius, I prefer James to you," Victoria played along. "It never would have worked between us, Siri dear, when I fancy you best friend."

"I see how it is. Why have me when you can have my best mate," Sirius sniffed, and began to walk out of the wing.

"Sirius!" Victoria cried and ran to him. "Get a grip, I'm not choosing your best mate over you." She pulled him close. "Besides, he's not half as good as you are," she whispered. Sirius grinned, and kissed her. 

"Well I should hope you prefer your boyfriend to my husband, or I'd have to beat you to a pulp," Lily laughed from her bed.

Victoria and Sirius walked back over to Lily's bed.

"Well, now that the whole escapade is over, and the couple is happy again, we have something we'd like to talk with you about," James said, caressing Lily's hair.

"What's that?" Sirius asked.

"Well," Lily began, "we were sort of hoping you two…could be…Harry's…godparents."

Sirius and Victoria looked at each other for a moment, then grinned. "Of course we would!" Victoria exclaimed.

"Are you daft?" Sirius laughed.

"I'm a godmother!"

"I'm a godfather!"

"Uncle Sirius!" Victoria shrieked, then began to laugh.

"Aunt Vicky!" Sirius barked.

Victoria's eyes narrowed, but she was unable to keep the smile off her face. "Don't call me that," she said.

"Of course not," Sirius said as he moved closer to her, "Only I can call you that, and only at certain times."

"Sirius!" Victoria said, pretending to be offended. "Not here!"

"So, you'll do it?" Lily asked hopefully from the bed.

Sirius and Victoria looked at each other. "Definitely," they said.

*--------------------------------------------------------------------------*

"Yes Vic. He's fifteen now, and Sirius had been like a father to him. Harry saved Sirius. He made everyone believe his innocence, and he's taking it horribly now that he's gone."

"And you're going to tell me what happened." Victoria said slowly. Remus nodded. "Everything."

"Everything."

"Okay," Victoria took a deep breath, "start from the beginning."

"Well you know some of it," Remus pointed out.

"Let me know your side of the story. Go back, back to when Lily and James…" Victoria trailed off.

"Okay," Remus agreed. He pulled Victoria over to the couch and they both sat down at opposite ends, looking at each other. Remus took a deep breath. 

"October 31st, 1981…"

****

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…I'm Dying…Dying to say what I always should have said…  
It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this  
As long as there's a breath...  
I'm Dying and I can't live without you again…  


*----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

Author's Note: Well there's a long chapter for you…ok it's not that long, but it's longer than some of them. I'm happy with this chapter, it took a while but it's pretty good. So I want to thank Lina and Mio for reviewing…it means so much to me!

Please review…I know you have the time…I'd really like it if you did…if u review for me…I'll review for you…how does that sound?

Much Love,

RemmysGal


	5. Chapter 5

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Dying

By: RemmysGal

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Victoria sat quietly on the couch by Remus as she listened to him speak of their late friends.

"I didn't know what was going on, they didn't tell me anything. I later learned it was because we knew someone close was feeding the Potters' information. They thought I was the spy.

"Sirius was known as their Secret-Keeper. You know that Dumbledore offered to be their Secret-Keeper. But James wanted Sirius. So everyone thought that Sirius was it."

"But he wasn't?" Victoria asked. Remus chuckled. 

"I thought I asked you not to interrupt or we'll be here all night."

"Sorry," Victoria apologized.

"It's all right. So James was going to have Sirius. But at the last moment, Sirius persuaded them to use Peter. Voldemort was sure to go after Sirius, he never would have guessed it was little mousy Peter Pettigrew. So you know how it goes, Vic. Voldemort came on Halloween, and killed them. All but Harry. Then he fled. And Sirius showed up at their house. He was supposed to check on Peter. He arrived, and saw their bodies, what Peter had done, what he had done. Then he took Harry on his motorbike and fled.

"He met Hagrid and Hagrid and strict orders from Dumbledore to take Harry and leave him with his aunt and uncle. Sirius didn't want to let Harry go, but Hagrid convinced him in the end. So Sirius gave Hagrid his motorbike and left.

"I still don't know where he went, but he caught up with Peter the next day…"

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"Peter Pettigrew!" Twenty-one-year-old Sirius Black howled from across a cobble-stoned street.

A short plump mousy man turned around from the other side. His nose was pointed and his eyes were watery.

"Peter Pettigrew!" Sirius howled again as he began to jog across the street. Peter began to run also. People began to stare as Sirius chased Peter two blocks. As Peter ran across the street, a car screeched to a stop before it hit him. Peter stopped and turned to Sirius.

"Sirius Black! How could you do that?" he cried. "Lily and James! Your friends! Our friends!"

Sirius laughed. "You must be joking Peter. You know what you did."

"I haven't a clue what you're talking about Sirius. You must be mad. You are mad. You're mad to betray your friends for a little bit of power." 

Sirius looked around. Yes, people were definitely staring now.

"Damn," he muttered. He wouldn't be able to use his wand with Muggles staring.

"Peter, you should know about power. You wanted the power. So you betrayed my friends. I notice you're using MY and not OUR. Were Lily and James not your friends, Peter?"

"You see! You're twisting my words! You—" Peter looked around at the Muggles, "—Murderer!"

Sirius became positively livid. "Mad!" he growled. "You crossed the line Peter," he began to walk towards Peter. Peter reached into his pocket.

"Peter, you're hopelessly awful at dueling, don't bother," Sirius said almost lazily.

"You killed them Sirius! Lily and James! How could you?" Peter squeaked. Sirius laughed again.

"Peter, don't be an idiot. No matter, I'm here to finish you now," Sirius growled. Peter whispered something. "Peter!" Sirius yelled, and fell to the ground. 

There was a flash of light and then a loud explosion. Sirius had his head ducked on the stone, but he looked up and saw Peter shrink and then disappear. Then he heard screaming. He got up and looked around. There were bodies everywhere. The poor Muggles who had seen the fight that went on. Then he saw him. Peter. As a rat. And then he saw the finger. Peter's finger. And then it clicked, just as Peter the rat streaked off into the sewer. 

Then Sirius laughed.

****

*--------------------------------------------------------------*

Victoria had clasped her hands over her mouth when Remus finished telling that story.

"I never knew!" she cried.

"I know, neither did I," Remus said, trying to sound comforting.

"I blamed him! And it was Peter! I…I…" Victoria couldn't find the words. Remus put his arm around her.

"I know," he said soothingly, "but that isn't all. Sirius would meet again with Peter thirteen years later."

"How?"

"Sirius was sentenced to Azkaban. You know about him being an Animagus," Victoria nodded, "well when he got to Azkaban, everyone went mad. So Sirius transformed into a dog." Victoria looked confused. "Dementors can only sense human emotions. So once he was a dog, his thoughts became less complicated. But the dementors thought he was going mad, like everyone else. But he heard things. Death Eaters, talking in their sleep. About how their double-crosser double-crossed them. They wanted revenge on Peter. 

"Then one night, when the dementors came to give Sirius his dinner, he transformed into a dog and slipped by them. He swam off the island, and found his way to Hogwarts. He knew Peter was there."

"How?" Victoria asked sharply. "Sorry," she mumbled.

Remus smiled. "Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic came to visit Sirius. He gave him the paper. There was a picture of the Weasley family."

"Bill Weasley?"

"Yes, him and his family. There was the youngest boy with a rat on his shoulder. The rat didn't have a finger."

"Peter," Victoria breathed.

"Yes," Remus answered softly. "I was appointed as the professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. I was there when he attacked Gryffindor tower, looking for Peter.

"Why was he in Gryffindor Tower?"

"The young Weasley with Peter, Ron, was a third year there. He was friends with Harry; they slept in the same dormitory. Ron called Peter Scabbers. Everyone thought Sirius was trying to kill Harry, they didn't know about Peter. No one knew except me and Sirius, and I was currently out of the loop with the Secret-Keeper thing, so I never suspected it.

"Then Harry found the Map," Remus smiled slightly as he remembered.

"Your Map? The one you four made?" Victoria knew about the Marauder's Map, Sirius had explained it to her before he…

"The very same. There was an incident with Serverus Snape—"

"Snape? What's he got to do with your story?" Victoria interrupted sharply.

"Serverus teaches Potions at Hogwarts now, Vic," Remus explained.

"Why that greasy git—"

"Yes, he is, well anyway, Snape found the Map with Harry. You know how it starts writing things when someone insults it. Well, when Snape called me to inspect it, since it was "clearly full of Dark Magic", I saw it with the writings of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. I took the Map from Harry.

"Then, near the end of the year, a Hippogriff from the Care of Magical Creatures class was sentenced to be executed. I had a feeling Harry, Ron, and their friend Hermoine would go to see Hagrid, they were friends with him. I was examining the Map that night when a new dot appeared. The dot said _Peter Pettigrew_. I thought the Map must have been malfunctioning, he could never have been with you. Peter was supposed to be dead. But the Marauder's Map never lies. So Harry, Ron, Hermoine and Peter, or Scabbers, left Hagrid's hut. A large black dog collided with them."

"Sirius," Victoria whispered.

"Sirius," Remus said, nodding. "He took Ron and Peter down the Whomping Willow through a passageway that led to the Shrieking Shack. Harry and Hermoine followed.

"Once I saw them, I took off for the Whomping Willow immediately. I could hear voices from below me. Then Hermoine yelled and I knew I had found them. When I entered I saw Harry with his wand pointed at Sirius, who was lying on the floor, bleeding. Ron was on the bed, clutching the leg that had broken when Sirius pulled him and Peter down the tunnel. Hermoine was in the corner looking very scared. I Disarmed Harry, Ron, and Hermoine, and helped Sirius up.

"It took a while to convince them that Sirius was innocent, and we couldn't make Ron show us Peter in his true form, because Ron didn't believe a word of what we said. But finally we persuaded him to let us see Scabbers, who after performing the Animagi charm turned Peter back into a man. He was exactly the same. He had the same pointy nose and watery eyes. His hair was beginning to fall out in patches, probably from the stress of Sirius escaping.

*--------------------------------------------------------------------------* 

21-year-old Victoria Rokaway shoved a few articles of clothing in a suitcase that sat on top of a bed that was in the middle of a bedroom. The bedroom was one room of a flat Victoria shared with Sirius in London.

Victoria ran out of the bedroom and to the bathroom, tears streaming down her cheeks. Lily and James. Lily. Dead. Victoria didn't want to believe it. And it was Sirius' fault. How could he do such a thing? Weren't he and James best friends? Did Sirius really value power over friendship? All of these thoughts went through her head as she collected her toothbrush, towels, shampoo, and other various items that Victoria claimed as her own. She ran back to the bedroom and threw it all in the suitcase. Then she closed it with a snap, picked it up, and ran out.

She didn't even bother to wonder where Sirius was. He wouldn't dare come home. Victoria would kill him before the Ministry of Magic had found him. But she couldn't stay. People would talk about her, everyone knew they were dating. Seriously dating. She would be the object of everyone's gossip. Victoria and her Benedict Boyfriend, Sirius Black. So she had to run. The question was where. Everyone in Europe would know about the Potters' death. It would eventually leak out that the murderer Sirius Black had squealed on them. Then they would learn about Victoria. So she took the only other available solution. America. She would leave, and never come back.

Abandoning everything she had ever known, Victoria placed her wand (maple and mahogany, 13 inches with the essence of Bog Myrtle) on the counter. She turned and walked out of the door. She Apparated to America, and her front door was the last she saw of her and Sirius' flat.

But she never stopped to think about Harry.

*----------------------------------------------------------------------* 

"Peter admitted to being the Potters' Secret-Keeper. Sirius and I decided to kill him,"
"You killed Peter?" Victoria asked incredulously.
"No, we almost did. We would have, if Harry hadn't been so merciful and decided to send him to Azkaban," Remus said, shaking his head.
"So Peter's in Azkaban?"
"No, we never got that far. We left the Shrieking Shack, but halfway across the grounds, the clouds opened and the full moon shone." Victoria gasped. "I turned into a werewolf. Peter got away.
"Sirius was locked in one of the Towers in the school. Harry and Hermoine rescued him on the back of the Hippogriff that was supposed to be executed. They rescued the Hippogriff too. I don't know where Sirius went, but it must have been somewhere tropical, the birds that the letters came with were very tropical birds. He talked about you a lot. I know you don't want to hear it Vic, but it's the truth. He wondered where you were, if I had spoken to you, where he would be able to reach you. I didn't know where you were at the time. Then Sirius came to live with me. Until he volunteered his home as the Headquarters for the Order of the Pheonix.

"The Order of the Pheonix?" Victoria asked. "The same Order as before?"

Remus nodded. "Voldemort has returned. Harry saw him return. But the Ministry, or rather Fudge, didn't believe him or Dumbledore. But Dumbledore collected all of the followers he could and reestablished the Order, now located at Number 12 Grimmauld Place in London."

Victoria yawned. Remus looked at her with his eyebrows raised. "Am I boring you Victoria? If I remember correctly, you were the one who told me to come here,"

Victoria laughed. "Yes, but I didn't think you would show up at—" Victoria looked at the digital clock, "—One-thirty in the morning." Remus chuckled.

"I suppose you're right," he agreed. "We can finish this tomorrow. Mind if I sleep on the couch, Vic?"

"Nonsense, there's an extra bedroom, go right in and you can sleep there, Remus." Victoria got up and stretched.

Remus looked up at her from the couch. "It's good to see you again, Vic," he said, standing. "You seem to have made a good life for yourself. Muggle now, are you?"

"Yes, I just can't seem to stay in a world that is exactly the same as wizards, only we have more subtle ways of betrayal and pain."

"Will you ever come back?" Remus asked quietly.

"I'm not sure I still have anything in me anymore, Remus," Victoria answered. "Good-night,"

"Good-night, Vic," Remus answered. Victoria turned and walked down the hall. She pointed to Remus' room, then walked into hers and shut the door. She heard Remus' door close and sighed in her bed.

"Rough night?" the mirror asked.

"You have no idea," she murmured before falling asleep.

*-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------* ****

It's a strange emotion this but there's still hope in this  
As long as there's a breath...  
  
I'm Dying and I can't live without you…  
I'm Dying and I can't live without you again

*---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*

Author's Note: Hello! Wow, that was a really long chapter. Yeah, I know it was boring, but things have to be explained. I hope you liked it and it filled your "Pallate" (Lina, thanks for pointing that out!). There was a slight confusion in the previous chapter when Remus talks about Chocolate Frogs not filling the "pallate". It was spelled incorrectly and Lina pointed it out. Damn spell check corrected it wrongly. Well enough wasting your time, I'm out. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Much Love, RemmysGal 


	6. Chapter 6

****

Dying

By: RemmysGal

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Victoria woke the next morning to the smell of pancakes wafting under her door. She glanced at the clock. Eight-thirty. She groaned, and rolled out of bed. She grabbed her pink robe from a chair by the desk and opened the door.

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Twenty-year-old Victoria Rokaway padded out of the bedroom she shared with her boyfriend Sirius Black. A slight sniff of her nose told her that Sirius was cooking. Sniff, pancakes, again. And they smelled like they were burning. Sirius was a horrible cook. He tried, but he always managed to burn something, leaving the flat smelling like burning food all day.

Upon entering the kitchen, she saw Sirius' back turned to her. He was over the sink, trying to clean a pan he had been using. She smiled slightly.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said as he put the pan down.

"How did you know I was here?" Victoria asked. Sirius held up the pan he was cleaning. "Oh," she said.

"So, how are you this morning, love?" he asked as he led her to the small table that they used as a dining table.

"All right, I s'pose," she said as she sat down and stretched in the chair.

"Well, I made breakfast," Sirius said brightly as he kissed the top of her head. Victoria groaned. "I thought you liked my cooking!" he said, pretending to be offended.

"That was just a lie to get you to like me," Victoria answered, "I never liked your cooking…mine's much better,"

"Well, I can't argue on either points, because obviously I like you now, and you are a much better cook," Sirius said, his hands entertwining themselves into Victoria's honey hair.

"Glad to know you like me, we've only been dating for two years," Victoria said sarcastically.

"Did I say like?" Sirius asked shocked, "I meant, love you," he whispered.

"Uh-huh," Victoria murmured. Sirius sat down in the chair across from her. He took her face in his hands and kissed her gently. Victoria started to laugh and Sirius pulled away.

"Thanks for laughing at me when I'm trying to kiss you," he said, getting up. Victoria grabbed his hand and pulled him back down before kissing him full on the mouth. Sirius looked a little surprised but then responded. Then Victoria pulled away. Sirius groaned. "What?"

"I'm hungry," she laughed.

"I made pancakes!" Sirius said as he stood up. Victoria laughed as Sirius put a plate of black pancakes in front of her. "Bon appetite!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Victoria walked down the hall to her kitchen. She saw the back of Remus Lupin huddled over the counter eating a plate of pancakes and sipping a cup of coffee. She looked to the sink where the pots and pans were currently scrubbing themselves clean.

"So I suppose you can't do anything without magic," Victoria said lightly as she padded into the kitchen. Remus looked up and when he saw Victoria a small smile formed on his face.

"Not in the morning, no," he replied. Victoria went over and reached for a mug from the cabinet above the sink and poured herself a cup of coffee. She then went and sat on the stool next to Remus.

"So you slept all right?" she questioned.

He nodded. "Best I've slept in a while, actually," he responded, taking a bite of the pancake. "Would you like some?"

Victoria shook her head. "No thanks," she said. "So, are you up for telling me the rest of the story?"

Remus looked at her as he finished chewing. Then he swallowed and said, "That depends, on whether you want to hear the rest of it."

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked.

"Well, it's the more depressing part of the story," Remus explained.

"Depressing? Why?"

"Because Sirius escaped, and he thought he was free, but he wasn't,"

Victoria stood up. Remus looked at her. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"I think I'm going to need some coffee for this one. Would you like a refill?" Victoria said.

"Please," Remus answered.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Seventeen-year-old Victoria Rokaway sat at a large circular table in a corner of the Hogwarts Library. Mountains of books and parchment surrounded her, so one could safely assume that she was completing the homework that was assigned over the weekend.

Seventeen-year-old Sirius Black entered the Library, a rare occurrence in itself, and looked around. He whistled softly. Having only been in the Library a few times, usually at the end of the year to accompany Remus on his trips to cram for exams, he didn't really know where to go. But he looked around and smiled softly when he saw a mass of honey colored hair near a table in the corner.

He began to walk over to the table, but suddenly stopped. He looked at his hand. It was sweating. Sweating. Sirius Black's hands didn't sweat. This meant he was nervous. Sirius Black was never nervous. Especially about girls. Sirius was the smooth, suave guy that had no trouble talking to girls.

But something was different about Victoria. She had some power about her that made her untouchable. Guys fell over their feet for her. But she never really noticed them. Oh Sirius knew there had been a few, but she wasn't one to just give herself away, so relationships had never lasted long. For Sirius it had been the complete opposite. But it wasn't that he played the girls. He just never found one he really liked. His thought was, maybe if I snog her long enough I'll like her and we can have a relationship. But it never worked like that. There was never that spark, that chemistry that happens only in a precise moment. So he just kept on snogging, girl after girl, never finding what he needed, hence came the title of "player".

So here he was, sweating over a girl with wavy honey hair with her nose in a book in the back of the Library. It made Sirius cringe just thinking about it. He even contemplated turning around. But he had begun to realize recently how beautiful Victoria was. Sure, he always knew it, but it wasn't until recently he had realized that he liked her. A lot. The one incident which changed his mind was their meeting in the common rooma few nights ago.

Sirius had just came back from the kitchens. He entered the Gryffindor Common Room and looked around. There was a bunch of second and third years in there, mostly people were wandering around or in their dormitories (or each other's, Sirius thought sarcastically). He looked around for James, Remus, and Peter, but they were nowhere to be found. Sirius was just about to go look in their dorm when he spotted a mass of honey coloured hair sprawled over the top of a red armchair by the fire.

Sirius smirked, he loved teasing Victoria. Not serious teasing, just little jokes here and there. Victoria took it all in stride. She even had some comebacks, which Sirius liked, because not many girls could stand up to Sirius Black with those comebacks and not melt in his smile that he always wore when they "fought".

Sirius walked around the chair and sat down in the chair opposite Victoria. She didn't even notice he was there. She was reading. Sirius didn't know what, but it was a very…large…book.

While she was immersed in the book, Sirius took this time to examine the girl…no, he corrected himself, woman sitting in front of him. For Victoria had certainly become a woman. Her hair was long and straight, and she had…er…filled out nicely, he thought, as he flushed a little. But his flush could have been a trick of the fireplace, because Sirius Black didn't flush.

He noticed her eyes, gray like the sky on a stormy day. He remembered how they flashed when she was angry, and sparkled when she was happy. Her perfect little nose, which formed her mouth. Sirius nearly groaned when he thought of her mouth. How such a beautiful mouth could say such words to him when they fought, it was hard to believe. Her lips were curved into a slight smile as she read, and a slight crease was in her forehead that appeared when she read.

This was when Sirius Black realized he liked Victoria Rokaway. He liked everything about her. Everything he thought to be childish and whimsical turned out to be mature and permanent.

So here he was, the great Sirius Black, standing in the door of the Library, hands sweating and preparing to ask out the one girl he really felt that he liked. What if…? No, Sirius Black does not get rejected! He thought angrily. But what if she doesn't want to go out with me? Sirius was so caught up worrying about what he would say and what she would say he didn't realize he was blocking the entrance and people were waiting for him to move.

"Mr. Black, would you kindly move? There are other students who wish to use the Library. Of course, you've never been in here, so if you need any help, simply ask," Madam Pince called from her desk. Students from the tables turned and chuckled quietly. Sirius flushed and grinned sheepishly.

Victoria was looking at him now. Oh perfect, Sirius thought, she had to see me being teased by _Pince_. She was staring at him with a slightly amused look. He took a deep breath and walked over to her table, sitting down as smoothly as he could.

"Nice entrance, Black," she smirked when he sat down. He gave her one of his 'smiles'. She simply smiled politely in return. "Anything in particular you wanted?"

"You," he whispered seductively.

Victoria simply laughed, her voice like music to Sirius' ears. "Really, Sirius, I need to study, so if you're just here to annoy me, bugger off."

Sirius sighed. This was _not_ going well. "Well," he coughed, "actually, I wanted to ask you something," he said. Victoria raised her eyebrows into perfect arches. "Um, well, you see," he stuttered.

"What's this?" Victoria retorted playfully, "The almighty Sirius Black is stuttering?"

"Yeah, well, I, I mean, if you want to,"

"Sirius, spit it out, mate,"

"CAN YOU GIVE ME A BREAK? I'M ONLY TRYING TO BLOODY ASK YOU OUT!" he yelled. All heads turned to look at him. Victoria looked astonished for a moment, before blushing until her face looked like Lily's hair. "Mind your own business," he snapped at the students.

"Sirius," Victoria began.

"Listen, I know you probably don't like me that much, okay maybe not at all, cause I can be a real wanker sometimes, but I fancy you and if you'd just come on one Hogsmeade date with me you will make me the happiest man alive," Sirius finished, looking straight at her.

"Yeah Sirius, you also like all the other girls you've dated," Victoria responded coolly.

"I know, I was an idiot, but I do like you, and it's just one date," Sirius pleaded, looking at Victoria with his large brown eyes.

Victoria blushed again. "You really want to go on a date with me?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes," Sirius answered.

"Why?"

"Why not? You're beautiful, and smart, and witty, and funny, and graceful, and I can't help the feeling that every time I see you I want to grab you and stick you in a broom closet and snog you senseless."

"You could have stopped at graceful,"

"Yeah but I needed to put that in," Sirius grabbed her hand that was resting on the table. Victoria's eyes widened when she looked at it. Damn, Sirius thought. His hands were still sweaty. No one wants to hold someone's sweaty hands. "Please, Victoria, I don't want to beg. If you don't want to, just tell me and I can take what little pride I have left."

Victoria's eyes softened, and she looked at Sirius in an odd way. Then she smiled. "Okay," she said softly.

"What?" Sirius asked, bewildered.

"Yes, I'll go out with you," she smiled "Idiot," she murmured. "The things I do for the people I like." Sirius whooped and jumped up from the table. Victoria laughed and Madam Pince swooped down on him.

"Mr. Black!" she screeched, "you have disturbed this place of learning long enough! Kindly remove yourself from my Library." And she stalked off.

"Well, um, I guess I have to go. Uh, I'll see you later," he gave her another 'smile' and sprinted out.

Victoria smiled and laughed to herself.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

"So we were at the point where…" Remus began as they sat on the couch in Victoria's living room for the second time.

"Sirius…just escaped," Victoria finished.

"Ah, yes," Remus said. "Well Sirius fled to some island in the Caribbean. He never told me which one, and although I pressed him, he wouldn't answer. I received letters from time to time, from giant tropical birds and the like. The letters weren't very informative, he was always afraid someone would intercept it. But he asked if you had contacted anyone, or if anyone had contacted you. I didn't know where to find you at the time. Why in bloody hell did you make your flat Unplottable?"

"So nosy wizards like yourself wouldn't be able to find me," Victoria retorted.

"Right," Remus responded, slightly taken aback. "Well this was going into Harry's fourth year at Hogwarts. And I found out that the Triwizard Tournament was taking place this year. Somehow, despite the age restriction of 17, Harry was selected as a champion. Sirius was terribly worried about him, as was I, but he always seemed so cheerful about it. 'My godson, Hogwarts' champion', he would say. But in the end, Harry met Voldemort. Voldemort killed the other champion, Cedric Diggory,"

"Amos Diggory's son?" Remus nodded.

"Harry and Voldemort dueled—"

"Harry dueled with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" Victoria asked, shocked.

"Yes, Harry dueled with Voldemort. Voldemort got his body back. No one's really sure how, but he did. And he nearly won. He and Harry were lifted off the ground. Their wands are brothers, and so they will not duel against each other. However, if their masters force them to, a very strange occurance will take place. Their wands will connect, and a beam of light will form. _Priori Incantatem_."

"The Reverse Spell Effect?" Victoria asked sharply.

Remus smiled. "For one who left the wizarding world, you still know your spells. Yes, the Reverse Spell Effect. Whatever wand the golden beads touch, that wand will carry out the last spell performed. So a misty form of Cedric appeared. Then Bertha Jorkins. And an old man. Then…"

"Lily and James," Victoria whispered.

"Lily and James. Harry met his parents for the first time. They gave him the courage to survive. He did survive, but barely. Sirius came to the school. Then he was sent to live with me. All I had was a tiny flat given to me by the Ministry. There was barely enough room for me, let alone another full-grown man. But Sirius came anyway. And we survived, cramped, in a little flat outside of London, until Sirius decided to go back to his house."

"His house? Grimmauld Place?" Victoria asked.

"Yes. I was with him when he returned. Sirius didn't want to be there. He had too many nightmares, too many troubles, to call that place home. But he knew he couldn't continue to stay with me. Tensions were already high. So he moved back into his house. It was then that Dumbledore reconstructed the Order of the Pheonix, and Sirius lent him his house to use as Headquarters. Sirius was miserable, he couldn't go out, he couldn't work, and he had to sit inside all day and night with that house-elf Kreacher. I stayed there often, but my job for the Order and my need for my own flat kept my away often. Then the Dementors came to Little Whinging. They attacked Harry and his Muggle cousin Dudley, and Harry used magic to stop them. He can produce a corporeal Patronus. He was in danger of having his wand snapped. Then the Advance Guard, including myself and Andromeda Black's daughter Nymphadora Tonks, Mad-Eye, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and others from the original Order came and took him from his aunt and uncle's house.

"We took him the Grimmauld Place and he stayed there with the Weasley children, who were living there also. Fred and George Weasley, they're seventeen, are probably the worst troublemakers Hogwarts has seen since the Marauders. They're brilliant. They made this swamp in the entrance hall, and these firecrackers…I'm rambling again.

"Harry had to go to trial for his underage magic, and Minister Fudge was a real arse about it. But Harry got off. But you see, Fudge didn't believe that Voldemort had returned. He took too much pride in his office. So he removed Dumbledore from the Wizengamot, and fined those who spoke out in belief that Voldemort returned. But Harry kept having these dreams, about a long corridor and a door, he was always reaching for something, but he never knew what. Finally he figured out that he was running down the corridor in the Department of Mysteries in the Ministry of Magic. He had…premonitions…about things. He nearly saved Arthur Weasley from dying. But he also thought that Sirius was being held by Voldemort in the Department of Mysteries, and was determined to save him.

"Sirius of course, was in no such danger. But Harry set of for the Ministry of Magic on Thestrals—"

"Thestrals?"

"The creatures that only those who have witnessed someone die—"

"I know what they are," Victoria snapped, "I just never knew Hogwarts had them."

"They pull the carriages," Remus responded. Victoria's face dawned with comprehension.

"Anyway," he continued, "Harry left with Ron, Hermoine, Ginny—she's Ron's younger sister, Neville Longbottom, and Luna Lovegood."

"Longbottom? Frank and Alice's boy?"

"Yes, he lives with his grandmother,"

"The poor boy," Victoria said sadly.

"They got down to the Dept of Mysteries and found The Prophesy. Death Eaters surrounded them. They had to run, and they were chased. By the time we had found out, we feared it would be too late. The Order assembled, and we headed to the Ministry. Sirius wanted to come. It was his godson, he said. We tried to dissuade him, but to no avail.

"We found the Death Eaters, and Harry and his friends. We dueled with them. Bellatrix Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy, just to name a few. Sirius was dueling against Bellatrix…she shot a jet of light at him; he dodged it and laughed. 'Come on,' he said, 'you can do better than that'. She shot again. She didn't miss." Remus found it hard to continue. He put his head in his hands.

One tear trickled down Victoria's face. She moved and went to sit by him, putting a comfortable arm around him. "If I had just dissuaded him from coming," Remus said gloomily.

"Remus, Sirius is so headstrong he wouldn't have listened to you anyway. It was his choice to go, you are **not** responsible."

"The laughter still hadn't died from his face. He looked a little shocked, but he was still laughing. He fell through a veil, and he didn't come back. I half expected him to, laughing and saying he was fine. But he didn't. I had to hold Harry back. I didn't want to believe it, Victoria, I'm all alone now."

"You're not alone, Remus. I'm here for you. God, I didn't know any of this. You should have called me, owled, wrote, anything. You don't have to go through this alone."

"I didn't know if you still cared."

"I care about you Remus. You were, are, one of my best friends."

"But you left the wizarding world."

"Yes, because I've seen too much heartache and too much pain. I've seen nearly all of my friends die, and the man I loved betrayed them all."

"But he didn't."

"I know he didn't Remus, but a lot of good that does me now! He tried to tell me, tried to tell me it wasn't him. He came here, right after I left. I almost had to call the police. He said it wasn't him. But I closed the door on him." And here she began to sob uncontrollably.

Remus held her in his arms. "Sh," he said gently. "I know, but we've all made mistakes. And Sirius wouldn't want you to cry like this. Please, Victoria, you've got to understand. He still loves you, he never stopped. And I know you still love him."

"I can't"

"You can't what?"

"I can't love him anymore," she replied, getting up abruptly from the couch and walking into the kitchen. Remus, confused, followed after her.

"We will always care for those we loved, even if they're not here anymore."

"No, you don't understand," she said urgently.

"What don't I understand?" Remus asked.

"I don't love him because I love someone else. I'm engaged, Remus." Victoria said.

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I'm Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again  
I'm Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived  
There's a shade come over this heart that's coping with laying down to rest  
I'm Dying to live without you again.

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Author's Note: Ah, where did that come from??? Cliffhanger! I really didn't have that last part planned. I had the chapter end all nice, and comfortable. But now I've made everything more complicated. Ah, oh well. Well, what do ya think? I think it's all right, but I've just made it so much more difficult. Yes, the fiancée is a Muggle…or wait…maybe I'll make him a wizard, but Victoria doesn't know. No, that's way too complicated. Ah, well you'll just have to wait and find out! I just got done with my final exams, so I'll be updating sooner.

I'M GOING TO SEE HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN!! I'M SO EXCITED!

Make my day and REVIEW!! PLEASE??

Much Love,

RemmysGal


	7. Chapter 7

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Dying

By: RemmysGal

Disclaimer: I haven't put one of these up in a while…but I don't own Harry Potter Inc., and I am not J.K. Rowling. Victoria is mine and her…fiancée.

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"You're…what?" Remus asked, completely dumbfounded.

"I'm engaged," Victoria repeated.

"And this whole time you've conveniently left out that little detail?"

"I didn't think it was important at the time! You came here and we started talking and I got so confused with all my feelings that I just forgot!"

"Who is he?"

"What do u mean?"

"I mean," Remus said, beginning to get agitated, "what's his name? What does he do for a living? Is he a Muggle? How long have you known him? When's the wedding?"

"Oh," replied Victoria, "Well, his name is David. He is a professor at the local college, he teaches a financing course. Yes, he's a Muggle, I'm not mad to marry a wizard. I've known him since I've been here, we were friends and have been dating for the past two years. The wedding is in March (A/N: it's July now…I think I forgot to say that)."

"And you love him?" Remus asked abruptly. Victoria looked a bit shocked at the frankness of her friend.

"Of, of course I do," She stammered, appalled at the question. "I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't,"

"Well, congratulations," Remus said, albeit a little grudgingly. At that moment Victoria's phone rang. She rushed to go get it in the kitchen.

"Hello?" she said into the receiver. "Oh hello. How are you?" she waited for a reply and listened as the person on the other line talked. Remus walked over slowly. This was all going terrible. It was so good, she was listening, she was believing, but she was married. She'll never go back now, he thought. Victoria looked at him as he stopped at the table.

"Who is it?" he mouthed.

"David," she mouthed back. Remus sat in a chair by the table and sighed. This made everything so much more complicated. "Today?" he heard Victoria ask, then listen. "I'm sorry David, I've got an old…friend…here. Yes, he went to um, high school with me. Yes, he stayed the night. David, nothing happened! He slept in the guestroom. He's just an old friend. His name?" she looked at Remus. Remus nodded and waved his hand, telling her it was fine. "Remus, Remus Lupin. He's from England. Friends, David. No, I can't come over today. I'm sorry but I —" Remus heard the 'click' as Victoria hung up the phone and trudged over to the table.

"Is he angry?" Remus asked, somewhat cold.

"Yes," Victoria replied softly. "He is insinuating that…something…happened last night. He thinks that I was cheating on him…with you." She laughed a bit. "No offense, Remus. But you're one of my best friends. I just don't feel for you that way."

"Does David know that?"

"Apparently not," Victoria sighed. "Maybe I should call him back,"

"Will it make it any better?"

"Probably not."

"Could it get any worse?"

"Not really,"

"Then come with me," Remus said. Victoria looked at him. "Back to England. If he's really as mad as you say he is, staying here won't make a difference. Just for a while. To see everything. To prepare…" he trailed off.

"Remus, I can't," Victoria said. "I have a job, a store, my apartment,"

"Someone else can look after the store," Remus said. He looked at Victoria with pleading eyes. "Please, Victoria, come. I know you feel like your relationship was left unsettled. Maybe if you come, maybe, you can have some sort of closure." Victoria stared at Remus for a long time.

****

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Twenty-one-year old Victoria Rokaway looked around her new American apartment. It was late, nearly midnight. She had just apparated from London after…seeing them. The apartment was smaller than Sirius and her flat in London, but it was only one person, so it would do. She set down her trunk and suitcase and went to have a look around. She was just looking around the bathroom when there was a knock on the door.

Victoria went to open the door, without ever looking through the hole to see who it was. She came face-to-face with her boyfriend, twenty-one-year-old Sirius Black.

"Victoria," he whispered, his voice raspy and breathing ragged. His eyes were wild and his usually tamed hair was messy. Victoria was instantly afraid.

"Stay away!" she warned him, going to close the door. Sirius stuck his foot in the house. Victoria began to scream. "Sirius! Go away! Stay away from me!"

"Victoria please, let me explain!" Sirius pleaded his voice urgent.

"What could you possibly have to explain?" Victoria shrieked.

"Please, it wasn't me!"

"It wasn't you? Oh, that's a good one Sirius," Victoria shot sarcastically.

"Vic, you know me! I would rather die than betray my friends!" Sirius tried to push his way into Victoria's house, but Victoria wouldn't let him through.

"Get away, Sirius! I don't even know who you are! Everything has been a lie…hasn't it?" Victoria asked, as she began to cry. Sirius' face softened and he pleaded with her.

"Vic, please, just let me in,"

"Are you crazy?! I'm not letting you in! Go away Sirius! And do not, do not, come back!" Victoria screamed.

"Vic, love, calm down," Sirius tried to soothe her, but to no avail.

"Love? You don't love me Sirius, you have no love for anyone. I don't love you. You are a cold-hearted bastard, Sirius Black. Get the bloody hell away from me." Victoria said, her voice no longer warm and loving but cold and spiteful. Sirius' face fell. His foot loosened its wedge in the door, and Victoria moved to close it

"Ok, Victoria," he said softly. "I'm so sorry, Vic. I can't even explain it to you. But I love you, and I always will. You'll always be mine, Victoria Rokaway." And then Sirius let the door close and Apparated with a 'pop'.

Victoria trudged over to her kitchen table and cried. She stayed like that for a very long time.

****

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"You really want me to come with you?" Victoria finally asked. Remus nodded.

"Just for a little while," he replied softly. His face was full of concern and love. He scooched his chair closer to hers and put his arm around her waist. "Vic," he said softly into her ear, "I wouldn't ask you this if I didn't think it was important. It was a horrid thing he did to you, but I think you need to go. You need to do this or else you will never move on."

"But I have moved on," Victoria insisted.

"I don't think you have," Remus responded. "I saw your face when I spoke of him. You still love him, Vic, and you need to face this. You can't have these ghosts of the past haunting you for the rest of your life." He stared deeply into Victoria's eyes, pleading with her. She didn't look away for a long time. Finally, when she did, she nodded.

"I'll come," she whispered. Remus hugged her. "But I need to deal with David first."

"What are you going to do?" Remus asked.

"I don't know yet."

"I'll help you in any way I can," Remus promised her. Victoria hugged him and began to cry a little. Remus held her tight. They stayed like that for a long time.

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**Author's Note: Yeah, that was really short, but I wanted to get it done tonight. Monday is my last day of school and I'm so excited! My whole summer is devoted to finishing this and my other story. I'm taking on a giant task here, so I hope I can do it.**

I went to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on Friday, and it was brilliant! I'll admit, there were a few parts I had hoped to be in, but weren't (i.e. Oliver's lovely, 'this is our last chance, my last chance to win the cup'). They also messed up the whole Firebolt timing thing, and the Weasley twins showing Harry the Map could have been longer, but overall I loved it.

Hope you guys liked this chapter…I should have the next one posted by Wednesday (I hope!). Thanks to Amy and Gemini for reviewing!

Much Love,

RemmysGal


	8. Chapter 8

****

Dying

By: RemmysGal

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After Victoria broke away from Remus, he held her shoulders and looked at her. "Vic," he said, very serious, "you're really coming with me?"

"Yes," Victoria answered. Remus nodded and released her.

"Well," he began, "while we're discussing you coming back with me," Remus pulled his wand out from his pocket, "it's time you got back in touch with the wizarding world."

Victoria eyes the wand warily. "What do u mean? What am I going to do with your wand?"

"Not mine," Remus said, his eyes sparkling as he twirled the wand so the handle was facing Victoria, "yours."

"M-mine?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes, Vic, yours. Go on," Remus urged, "take it."

Victoria had not touched a wand in nearly fifteen years. "I don't think I…have it…anymore," she replied.

"Well there's only one way to find out, isn't there?" Remus asked, a huge grin spreading,

Victoria slowly reached her slender hand for the wand. Then she looked up at Remus sharply. "Maple and mahogany, 13 inches, essence of Bog Myrtle?"

Remus laughed. "You remembered," he observed.

"A witch never forgets her wand," she replied. She reached and grasped the handle with her right hand. Immediately warmth spread throughout her body, starting from her fingers all the way to her toes. Her fingers were tingling, the wand itching to do a spell after being away from its owner all these years. Remus watched with amusement as Victoria's face changed from wariness to shock and to happiness.

Victoria held it in her hand and stared at her wand lovingly. She had been away from it all these years, and she finally had it back. Despite what Victoria always told herself about being fine living as a Muggle and she didn't care about the wizarding world, the truth was that she missed it. It felt like a part of her was gone. But now that she was reunited with her wand, the part of her that was missing had returned.

"Try it," Remus said, still grinning.

Victoria shook her head. "It probably won't work anyway," she said.

"Try it anyway," he pushed. Victoria sighed.

"Okay," she said. "What should I do?"

"Start with something simple. _Lumos_, or something."

Victoria looked at the coffee mug on the counter. "_Wingardium Leviosa_," she muttered as she swished-and-flicked her wand. The coffee mug slowly rose a few inches off the table. Victoria kept it in the air for a few moments until it was a good five feet off of the table, then slowly lowered it back. "I did it!" she squealed.

Remus laughed. "Yes," he said appraisingly, "yes you did."

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"Did you make it levitate?" eleven-year-old Lily Evans asked eleven-year-old Victoria Rokaway as they exited the Charms classroom.

"Yeah, I did," Victoria answered, "did you?"

"Yeah, Professor Flitwick gave me ten points to Gryffindor." Lily said, clearly thrilled that she had earned points to Gryffindor in their first week.

"Who were you partnered with?" Lily asked as they made their way into the Great Hall.

"Remus Lupin," Victoria answered. "He was really nice cause I couldn't do it the first time then he showed me how to move the wand. Then I did it. Who were you with?" Lily made a face.

"James Potter," Lily answered. "He clearly has no skill with Charms. He couldn't even do it. Lucky I was his partner or he could have lost us points." They entered the Great Hall and found a seat near their fellow first years. Victoria reached for a ham sandwich the same time Sirius Black did. Their hands brushed and Victoria's face shot up.

"Oops," he said, giving her a lopsided grin, "sorry Rock."

"Don't call me that Sirius," she growled. Sirius laughed his bark of a laugh. He took the sandwich out of Victoria's hand and put it on his plate. "Oy!" she yelled, "that's mine!" she lunged across the table at him. Remus Lupin, who was sitting next to her, pulled her down around the waist.

"Accio sandwich," Lily muttered, and the sandwich on Sirius' plate flew into Lily's hand. She smiled satisfactorily and gave it to Victoria. Victoria grinned in thanks.

Sirius gave Victoria a pout and Victoria stuck her tongue out at him.

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Victoria spent the rest of the day practicing all of the spells she had abandoned when she left the wizarding world. Remus was a good teacher. It was around seven o'clock when she brought up Apparating.

"How are we getting to England?" Victoria asked Remus as she watched her coffee table fly around the room then start waltzing with the armchair.

Remus looked at her, contemplating how to answer her. "Well, I Apparated, but, can you?"

"I haven't in a long time, I don't know if I still can," Victoria answered.

"Do you want to try?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't want to go splinching myself halfway across the Atlantic Ocean," she answered.

"You could try,"

"Do you think I could do it?" Remus nodded. "Okay," she replied. "I'm going to Apparate to my room down the hall." Remus nodded again.

Victoria concentrated every being of herself to transfer into her room down the hall. She pulled out her wand and took a deep breath. There was a 'pop!' and Victoria disappeared.

Remus waited frantically while he listened for some sound of Victoria. He heard a 'pop!' down the hall and ran to Victoria's room. He opened the door and saw Victoria looking in the mirror and checking to make sure all of her was there. Then he heard the mirror…speak.

"Oh, dear, that was very good. I see you've returned. Oh I say, who is that handsome man in the door?" Victoria whipped and saw Remus standing there.

"Remus," she whispered. She looked at the mirror, then back at Remus and smiled. "I did it,"

"Yes, you did. Why was your mirror talking?" Remus asked as he entered the room.

"Oh, um, I brought it with me when I came," Victoria answered. She thought it was better not to lie.

"So you didn't abandon the whole wizarding world?"

"Well, all of it except my mirror."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think it was important,"

"Don't tell me you're getting The Daily Prophet or whatever it is you get here?" Remus asked humorously.

Victoria laughed. "No, no I'm not."

Remus laughed. "Okay," he said.

Then the doorbell rang. Victoria walked over to her window and looked out. She saw a blue Mustang parked in front of the house. "It's David," she said.

"You have to tell him you're going," Remus said.

"I know, I am…right now," Victoria answered, and she walked out of the room. Then she came back. "Um, Remus, do you mind staying out of the way right now?"

"Sure," he answered, "no problem."

Victoria walked down the hall and opened the door. There stood David. David was a man of thirty-six. He was tall, around 5'11, with dark blonde hair that was neatly cut. His face was always clean-shaven and his blue eyes always sparkled. He was the type of guy that your parents would adore. He was punctual, pleasant, and polite. Frankly, he was as opposite of Victoria as one could be. Victoria was always late, candid, and outgoing. He was standing there is his khakis and blue polo shirt with a polite smile on his face.

"Hello, Victoria," he greeted.

"Hi David," she replied.

"Is…he…still here?" he asked, looking into the house, as if he was expecting Remus to appear.

"Yes, he's in the guestroom," Victoria answered.

"Oh, I see," David said, still looking around. He looked at Remus' suitcase near the couch. "Are you going somewhere?"

Victoria turned to where he was looking. "Oh, that's Remus'. But yes, actually, I am." David looked surprised.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Well, Remus came here to tell me that an old…friend…of mine had passed. He's come to ask me to go back to London with him, to…set some affairs in order," Victoria stammered.

"And you're going?" David asked.

"Well, yes," Victoria answered.

"And you're not asking my opinion on this?" David questioned her.

"It doesn't really matter your opinion, David, because I'm going, and seeing how you thought I was "having an affair" with my friend, I don't really care what your opinion is," Victoria said coolly.

David was shocked. "So this is how you're treating out relationship. I guess it doesn't mean much to you, then, if you're going to simply pack up and leave."

"You accused me of cheating,"

"There was a man in your apartment all night,"

"An old school friend,"

"An old school friend that you were scr—" David began to speak but suddenly he was moving his mouth but no sound came out. David became frantic, trying to scream, but no sound. Victoria looked at him for a moment before turning to look in her house. Remus was standing near the hall and pocketing his wand.

"You?" she mouthed to Remus. Remus shrugged and nodded. Victoria almost burst out laughing. It took all of her will power to turn back to David and not laugh. "I'm going to England, David. You and I are over. If you have no trust in my fidelity, than I have no reason to marry you." David was speechless. Literally. Victoria took the tiny diamond ring off of her finger and handed it to David. Then she closed the door.

"Please take it off of him," Victoria said to Remus when she turned around. Remus whispered the counter-spell and there was a sound of David coughing.

"Victoria!" David called from outside the door, "Victoria, you can't just throw all this away! To leave me to go with some old school friend. It's unheard of!"

"Shall I put it back on?" Remus asked lightly. Victoria shook her head, looking at her finger where the engagement ring had been just moments ago. Remus just realized that she had begun to cry softly. "Victoria?" he asked uncertainly.

Victoria sniffed. "I'm fine," she said, "just a little shocked, that's all,"

"You didn't love him?"

"No,"

"So, that means…"

"Yes," Victoria sighed wearily. Remus went over and hugged her. He kissed her lightly on the forehead. "I guess I'd better go pack." Victoria walked down the hall and into her room, closing the door behind her.

Remus sighed and sat down on the couch in the living room. Then he got up and went into the kitchen. He picked up the telephone and dialed the operator. "Yes," he said, "I'd like to place an over-sea call. England please," he was connected to the over-sea operator. "Number 12 Grimmauld Place in London, please."

"Hello?" Kingsley Shaklebolt's voice was heard over the receiver.

"Kingsley, it's Remus," Remus said.

"Hey Remus, how is it going there?" Kingsley asked.

"Good, Victoria's coming,"

"Is she? Well, that's very good to hear," Kingsley sounded a bit surprised.

"Yes, it is I know, we should be leaving tomorrow, so expect us sometime after lunch,"

"Okay, sounds good, I'll see you then?"

"Yeah, tell everyone I said hello,"

"Will do, mate, see you then,"

"Bye Kingsley," There was a 'click!' as Kingsley hung up. Remus did the same. Then he walked into his room and went to sleep. There was to be heard the occasional sigh of frustration from the other room as drawers were opened and closed. There were also some comments from the mirror in Victoria's room, although Remus couldn't decipher what was said. He tried to figure out what he was going to do tomorrow, but he was so tired that he drifted off to sleep before he thought of what to do when they stepped inside Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

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****

Author's Note: Hello again! Hope you liked that chapter…it was a bit longer. The next one's gonna be really long…I promise.

I have a question for my reader(s); actually two questions:

1.) Should Sirius be really dead or should he come back?

2.) Do you want this story to end "happily ever after" or should it be all angsty and stuff?

Thanks to gemini for reviewing…you were right…she doesn't love David.

Hope you enjoyed reading this and please review!

Much Love,

RemmysGal


	9. Chapter 9

****

Dying

By: RemmysGal

Author's Note: Hello! I decided to put the A/N at the beginning of this chapter…little change of scenery. Thanks to Lina and Mio for reviewing. Oh, and Victoria and Remus… nothing's happening between them. They're just really good friends and you'll see more of their friendship at Hogwarts in this and the next chapter. This is strictly a Sirius/Victoria. And…I guess…nevermind, you'll have to wait! Well, here's the next chapter…Enjoy!

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Remus awoke the next morning to shuffling and muttering through Victoria's apartment. He yawned and stretched in his bed. Then he sat up and looked around his room. It was white, which made it seem a little "girly", and there was a vanity. There was a dresser, also white, and the four-poster bed was also white with a crimson comforter. He rolled out of bed and stood up. Remus began to walk out of the room when he looked down and saw what he was wearing: red plaid boxers. He grinned and decided to get changed.

Victoria was in a tussle when Remus finally entered the kitchen. Her back was to Remus and she was frantically putting dishes and pots and pans away. Remus watched her silently from the hallway for a few moments. Finally he took out his wand and waved it. All of the dishes neatly stacked themselves and placed themselves in the cupboard. The same happened to the pots and pans. Victoria watched, stunned for a moment, before she smiled knowingly and turned around.

"I knew it was you," she said, her smile slowly fading.

"Yeah, I thought you could use some help there," Remus answered. "Are you packed already?"

"I packed last night. I'm ready whenever…whenever you are," Victoria said, albeit reluctantly.

"You're doing the right thing, Vic," Remus told her.

"I know," she replied.

"So, I'll just go get my things then we'll leave. Is that okay?" Victoria nodded. "Be right back, then." Remus went into the guestroom and collected his things. He walked back to the kitchen and Victoria was writing a letter. "Who's that for?" he asked.

"The landlord," she replied. "So he knows what's happened."

"Are you coming back after this?" Remus asked.

Victoria sort of half-shrugged. "I don't know," she said quietly. Remus gave her a reassuring hug.

"Let's go," he said. He pulled out his wand, as did Victoria and they both Disapparated.

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"Reading between the lines, I think she feels you're a bit conceited, mate," Fifteen-year-old Sirius Black said to James Potter. He, James, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew were sitting near the lake on a warm day in late May. They had just completed the written exam of the O.W.L.S. in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

James and Sirius had also just had a previous encounter with Severus Snape. The encounter included some nasty hexes, Lily Evans, and Snape upside down, showing off his gray underpants and pallid legs. Remus, although it was his duty as a Prefect, did not interfere. Lily Evans had taken it upon herself to end it, rejecting James again as he asked her out.

"Right," James said, clearly annoyed, "Right."

Remus closed the book he had been reading and stood up. "Sad to say, James, but I do believe you were a bit out of line just then."

"Out of line?" Sirius asked him incredulously, "How?"

"Well, de-robing Snape in front of most of the student body, as hilarious as you thought it was, was against the rules."

"Since when did any of us care about breaking rules, Moony?" Peter asked.

"Oh, bugger off, the lot of you. I'm just saying, Prongs, that you might want to tread lightly around Lily Evans,"

"She loves me, she just won't admit it," James said smugly.

"I'm going inside," Remus said, walking away.

"Hey Moony! Where're you going?" Sirius shouted.

"Well obviously I can't get any studying here with you berks, so I'm going to the Library!" He shouted back as he retreated into the castle.

Upon entering the castle, he looked around only to see a blur of black and gold flying at him, pinning him against the nearby wall. Remus blinked, as he looked into the face of fifteen-year-old Victoria Rokaway.

"Why didn't you stop them?" she demanded, her eyes blazing.

"I…" Remus stammered, stunned. "I…I don't know," he finished.

"That," she said, releasing him, "was obvious." She began to walk away. Remus shook his head and jogged to keep up with her, she was walking very fast.

"Well what was I supposed to do?" he asked. She stopped and faced him.

"You…are…a… PREFECT!" she snarled.

"Yeah, well Lily looked like she had the situation pretty much under control," he shrugged.

"Only because you didn't! They're your friends, Remus. And you're my friend. And it's my duty as a friend to tell you when you should stick up for someone. Don't your friends stick up for you? Don't they?"

"Yeah," Remus answered. "But Snape's not my friend!"

"Yes, I realize that, but he's weaker and—"

"Snape's not weak! He knows more curses and hexes than some Seventh Years!"

"But he doesn't have any friends to stick up for him."

"His fault."

"Fine. Nevermind. Forget I even said anything," Victoria walked away.

Remus stood there. It was so hard. He had friends who would possibly get mad if he went against them. But he had a friend who wanted him to do the right thing.

Friendships were so complicated.

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- **

It was nighttime and all of the houses were dark in Grimmauld Place. There were a few lampposts, but they were not lit. There was a 'pop!' and then a clearly audible "oomph!" in the dark.

"Lumos," a voice whispered. Light immediately illuminated from Remus Lupin's wand. He looked down at the ground. Victoria was sprawled out by his feet. Well, he thought happily, at least we arrived in the right place in one piece. He offered his hand to Victoria and she took it, pulling her up.

"Are…are we…here?" she whispered, looking at him. Remus looked down at her. She was looking up at him, fear in her eyes. Remus smiled softly. Even though she had grown older, she was still the same vulnerable eleven-year-old girl he had become best friends with.

"Yes," he whispered, "we're here." Victoria nodded.

"Where is," she asked, "here?"

"Grimmauld Place." Remus answered. He pulled a small scroll of parchment out of his shabby coat pocket. He unrolled it and handed it to Victoria. It said, in loopy cursive handwriting, _The Order of the Pheonix can be found at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, London_. "Memorize it," he said simply.

Victoria looked up from the parchment. Her eyes glanced from Number 11 to Number 13. Then she looked at Remus, who was burning the parchment to ashes. "I don't see—"

"Think about what you have just memorized," Remus said. Victoria imagined the parchment. She had barely gotten to _Number 12 Grimmauld Place_, when she stopped. Houses Number 11 and Number 13 were being squished by the appearing of a house right where Number 12 should have been.

Victoria's jaw dropped. "How—?" she asked Remus.

"Unplottable and hidden behind a Fidelius Charm," Remus explained.

"Oh," Victoria said, simply lacking for a better word.

"Welcome," Remus said, taking her hand and walking up the stairs, "To The Order of the Pheonix." There was a large black door. There was neither keyhole nor letterbox, but a silver knocker in the shape of a twisted serpent. "Remus Lupin," he said, seemingly to no one in particular except the knocker.

"Remus, what on earth—?" Victoria began to ask, but was quieted by a quick 'Sh!' from Remus. The door then slowly opened.

"Ok, Victoria, follow me in, be very quiet in the Entrance Hall, keep walking straight, I'll guide you. Don't bother anything and, whatever you do, _don't touch the curtains_." Victoria nodded. She looked at Remus, who was now looking around outside, as if he was making sure no one was around. He turned and looked at Victoria, as if saying, _well, go in already_. Victoria shook her head and walked in the house.

Her first impression was that she would like to turn around and walk right back out. It began with the peeling wallpaper and the threadbare carpets. Then she looked at the cracked gas lamps, to, finally, the serpent-shaped, cobwebby candelabra. She heard muttering from the dark portraits on the walls. She hadn't heard portraits talking in a very long time. But the thing that made her the most wary was the large moth-eaten curtains that obviously didn't reside near a window.

Remus gave her an encouraging pat on the back, and Victoria's feet started to work again. She walked to the end of the hall when the door farthest from the entrance opened. A plump woman with flaming red hair exited. She gave them a warm smile and ushered them into the kitchen.

Victoria let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. The woman turned around when Remus had entered.

"Sorry, Remus, about rushing you in here, but that woman's gone off about seven times today!" the woman with the red hair said.

"Really, Molly?" Remus asked. "We still haven't found a spell to get her off?"

"No, there's no reverse for a Permanent Sticking Charm," the woman named Molly replied. She then looked at Victoria. "Remus?" she asked.

"Molly, this is Victoria Rokaway. Victoria, this is Molly Weasley," Remus introduced. Molly's eyes became large and wide, and she looked like she could cry.

"Oh dear," she said, and scooped Victoria into a huge hug. Victoria returned the hug, if not somewhat awkwardly. "It's so nice to finally meet you. Remus was trying to get in touch with you for ages after…" Molly's voice trailed off.

"It's nice to meet you too," Victoria replied, forcing a smile.

"Well, my husband Arthur's still at work, he'll be home around dinner, Order members are always popping in and out, the children are upstairs, you'll meet them at dinner. Are you any good with cooking charms?" Molly said in a rush.

"Well, um, Mrs. Weasley—" Victoria began.

"Please, dear, it's Molly,"

"Ok, Molly. I don't know if Remus told you, but I haven't stepped into the Wizarding World in sixteen years. I mean, he gave me my wand yesterday, but I'm still trying to get back in my groove." Victoria explained.

"Oh, Victoria, it's no problem. It's the perfect time to practice, then. If you don't mind helping an old bat like me,"

"Oh, Molly, I'm sure you're no old bat," Victor said.

"Oh yes, you've never seen her when she's mad," Remus inputted. "Weasley temper, the children have inherited, no doubt it's from her." Molly smacked Remus on the arm.

"Shoo!" she said to Remus, pushing him out of the kitchen, "we women have to prepare for you men, who are hopeless in the kitchen,"

"Fine," Remus huffed good-naturedly. "I see when I'm not wanted." He turned and left the kitchen, walking up the stairs and out of sight.

"I don't mean to impose, Victoria dear," Molly said as she bustled around the kitchen, conjuring pots and pans with a wave of her wand, "If you don't want to help, you needn't stay."

"No, I like to cook. I just haven't cooked with a wand and magic in quite some time," Victoria explained.

"Well, you've come to the right place to practice," Molly said, pulling a giant turkey out of the oven, and sprinkling seasoning on it with her wand, then putting it back in the oven. "Would you please place five wine glasses on the table? Then fill them with some Elderflower wine,"

"Of course," Victoria said, summoning five wineglasses from the glass dresser. "But, Molly, where exactly is here?"

"The Headquarters of the Order of the Pheonix," Molly stated.

"Yes, I realize that, but what is this place?" Victoria asked. "It's quite…well, filthy,"

"Well that's because no one's lived in it for quite some time. I'm the "housekeeper" here, if you'll use the term lightly. I live here sometimes with my husband and five children. I actually have seven children, but one, Charlie, is working in Romania with dragons, and the other, Percy, he has quite an important job at the Ministry and we're sort of at ends with each other right now."

"You live here?" Victoria asked incredulously.

"Yes, of course. I was worse before we arrived, believe me. The drawing room was terrible, it had a boggart and doxies and a nest of dead Puffskeins. There were also quite a few Dark Magic items."

"Yes, but who lived here before?"

"Why, Sirius did. Sirius Black," Molly said.

"Sirius? He lived here?" Victoria asked, completely and utterly baffled.

"Well, yes, it is his family's house," Molly said, "Goodness, didn't you know?"

"Well, actually, I remember Remus mentioning it, but it never occurred to me that he lived here,"

"Yes, until he was sixteen. Then he ran away. Got his own flat. He never though he'd come back. But once his mother died, the house was his. So he volunteered it for the Order."

"He always said how dreary this place was. Filled with Dark Magic and such."

"Yes, it was quite difficult to clean it out. Especially with his mother screaming at all hours," Molly sighed.

"His mother?" Victoria asked.

"Yes, that's what's behind that curtain in the Entrance Hall, didn't you know?"

"No, no I didn't,"

"Yes, that's Mrs. Black. Or, her portrait. She's put a permanent sticking charm on it, so we can't remove the portrait. That's one of the reasons we're so quiet in the entrance hall, we don't want to bother her. The curtains open and she starts screaming all this nonsense about blood traitors, and it's such a bother to get the curtains closed again, so we try to be quiet."

By this time the table was set and the food prepared. Molly and Victoria placed all of the food on the table and Molly went upstairs to call everyone to dinner.

Victoria sunk into the nearby chair and wondered at the predicament she had just gotten herself in to.

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The doorbell rang. Twenty-one-year-old Lily Potter went to answer it, carrying with her a baby. The baby was her ten-month-old son Harry. She opened the door. On the doorstep stood twenty-one-year-old Victoria Rokaway, grinning like a madwoman at the sight of her godson.

"Hey Vic," Lily said, handing Victoria baby Harry, "you can hold him. Merlin, he gets so bloody heavy sometimes, holding him constantly."

Victoria kissed Harry's nose and he giggled, grabbing Victoria's honey hair that hung in her face. "Yes, Harry, how is my favorite godson? Good, that's good—ouch, ouch, Harry let go—no leave Aunt Victoria's hair alone—Harry please," she finally got her hair back and pushed it out of her eyes and behind her ears. Victoria followed Lily into the spacious kitchen, where they would be having their dinner.

"How have you been Lily?" Victoria asked as she sat down at the table and plopped Harry onto it in a sitting position.

"To be completely honest, utterly exhausted. Harry cries half the night and is only quiet when I'm in the room. James is at Auror training half the time and comes home so late. I don't mean to complain, but it's becoming almost difficult to handle," Lily sighed, reaching into the cupboard and pulling out some seasoning.

"Lil, you should have told me," Victoria said, "I work really early, so I could come over after and the nights James is working I'll stay with Harry so you can get some sleep." Victoria noticed the bags under Lily's eyes and how exhausted she looked. Victoria stood up. She conjured a playpen and put Harry in it. "Actually," she said, walking over to Lily, "this looks like it's pretty much under control. Harry's in the playpen and I can watch the food. James will be home in about two hours, so why don't you go take a nap on the couch or in your room for a while?"

Lily's face brightened, but she said, "No, I couldn't. You're here as my guest and I said I'd make dinner. I—"

"Lily Evans, sorry, Lily Potter, you get your arse into bed right now. I've been in this house millions of time and I believe I'm completely capable of watching the food and watching my godson. I'll wake you in about an hour and a half."

Lily smiled. She gave Victoria a hug. "Thank you so much, Vic. You have no idea what this means to me," Lily turned and practically ran up the stairs to her and James' bedroom.

Victoria turned to Harry. "So baby Harry, has Daddy taught you to fly yet?" Harry looked at Victoria with his large emerald green eyes, identical to his mother's. She looked at him, and could almost picture Lily flipping out at her, _"You did what?! Took him on a broomstick. Victoria, are you insane?"_

"Yeah," she said, turning back to the simmering pot of spaghetti, "I think I'll let your father take that one,"

Harry giggled.

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- **

**Hey…hope you liked it…it was kinda long…** ****

Next chapter – Victoria is reunited with Harry…and many of her old school friends…

Please Review!!

Much Love,

RemmysGal


	10. Chapter 10 and important AN

**Dying**

**By: RemmysGal**

**Chapter 10**

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The events of dinner flew through Victoria's mind later that night as she lie in bed in the room Remus and Molly had prepared for her.

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****

Remus was the first one who entered the kitchen. He chuckled slightly when he saw Victoria slumped in her chair.

"You all right?" he asked, sitting next to her.

"Look at me. Do I look all right?" she said.

"You look fine." Remus said. Victoria laughed hollowly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Victoria said sarcastically. "Is Harry here?" she looked up at Remus. He nodded. Victoria shook her head. "I can't do this, Remus. I haven't seen the boy in sixteen years. Technically speaking, I haven't seen anyone in sixteen years, and I fell like I've just been thrown back into the world I thought I had left. For good."

"There's nothing to fear here. Everyone's open-minded. They would have to be, to be in the Order."

"That's another thing: Am I expected to be in the Order?"

"If you want to," Remus said. At that moment the kitchen door opened and Molly entered, followed by four redheaded children and two others. They all sat down at the table and stared quizzically at Victoria. She glanced at each of them, but her gaze came to rest on the one boy with messy jet-black hair and glasses. Hair and glasses that were so familiar. As if that wasn't enough for her to faint, one look at his emerald green eyes sent her into the world of unconsciousness.

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"You're_what_?" Seventeen-year-old Victoria Rokaway asked. She was sitting Indian style on her bed in the seventh year Gryffindor girls' dormitory. Her question was directed at fellow seventh year and best friend Lily Evans, who was sitting across the room on her bed.

"Dating, yes," Lily Evans replied calmly, a smile playing on her lips.

"James Potter?" Victoria asked.

"The one and only," Lily responded, grinning.

"Okay," Victoria said, getting up and walking over to the window. She looked out at the snow-covered grounds for a moment, and then turned sharply back to Lily. "Don't you hate him?"

"Hate him? James? No," Lily said.

"Oh, he's_James_now, is he?" Victoria said cattily.

"Well, yes, it wouldn't be very good if we were out on dates and I called him 'Potter' all the time, would it?" Lily asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Well, no, but if I recall correctly," Victoria said, grinning evilly, "you said, and I quote 'I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid.' Did the giant squid break up with you? I bet he's really not good at snogging, all though," she looked thoughtful, "all those tentacles might be a plus in some…situations."

"Victoria!" Lily screeched. "Stop!" Victoria laughed.

"What made you change your mind?" Victoria asked, when she stopped laughing.

"I don't really know. He seems so different, almost…human. He's changed."

"I've noticed."

"And why are you interrogating me? You're the one dating his partner in crime," Lily smirked.

"Because I never hated Sirius with the passion that you hated_James_," Victoria said.

"Well I don't hate him anymore." Lily said simply. Victoria looked at Lily. Her green eyes were sparkling, and she was truly happy.

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"Victoria?" the voice was fuzzy and distant. It sounded like she was underwater. Victoria opened her eyes. There was a warm washcloth on her forehead and she was lying on a bed. Remus Lupin's face came into focus. He was standing over her looking concerned. Molly Weasley was sitting next to her patting the washcloth on her forehead.

"Wha?" she mumbled. Remus smiled.

"You passed out," he said.

"How?" Victoria asked.

"Shock," Molly said.

"Shock from what?"

"Seeing your godson," Remus answered. Victoria groaned.

"Oh, god, Remus, he's James all over again," she said weakly. Remus nodded.

"Except for the eyes," he said, "Lily's eyes."

"Where is he now?" Victoria asked.

"In the kitchen," Molly answered, "eating. He's quite worried about how you are, actually. Hasn't a clue who you are, but that boy's so caring, he's anxious to meet you."

"When can I see him?" Victoria asked.

"Right now, if you want," Remus said, "he's just outside." Victoria slumped back into the pillow. "But you don't have to," he continued, "we can wait until you're feeling better."

"I don't think I'll feel better until I meet my godson," Victoria said, and sat up. "Where is he?"

Remus smiled lightly. "I do believe he is right outside the door, using Extendable Ears to listen in on out very conversation."

"Extendable Ears?" Molly screeched. "I thought those two had kept their rubbish in the store! Oh I'll have their heads!" and Molly rushed out of the room. She paused after she opened the door. "Oh, hello Harry dear, yes, go right inside" and she continued walking.

A tall boy that looked so much like James Potter entered the room. He had the same jet black messy hair that James had, the same round glasses, and he was about as tall as James was. The only things that separated him and James was that James' nose was a little longer, and of course, the green eyes. His clothes were too big for him and he looked very nervous; curious, but nervous. He apprehensively walked a little closer to the bed where Victoria and Remus were seated.

"Hello, Harry," Remus said and smiled warmly at him.

"Hello, Professor," Harry said in return. He then turned to Victoria. "Is it true? What they're all saying?" Remus stood up.

"I think I will leave you two alone for a while," he said and walked towards the door. Victoria panicked. She didn't want to be left alone with a boy she hadn't seen in almost sixteen years. But Remus walked out and closed the door behind him.

"What are they saying?" Victoria asked Harry.

"They're saying…they're saying that you're…you're my…godmother," he stumbled. Victoria nodded. "So it's true? I never thought I had one," Victoria's eyes welled up. She gave a choked laugh.

"Of course you have one," she said soothingly. "I'm Victoria Rokaway. I went to school with your parents, Sirius, and Remus. We were all friends."

Harry nodded. "I'm Harry. I just turned sixteen."

"You look just like your father, Harry," Victoria said, "you seem brave like him too,"

Harry nodded again. "Can I ask you something?"

Victoria smiled. "Of course," she said, "you can ask anything you want. I think I owe you an explanation anyway,"

Harry smiled a little. "They're also saying…that you and Sirius…you were…supposed to get married." Victoria frowned a bit.

"Yes," she said softly. "We were supposed to get married. But things happened so fast, and I assumed things without knowing the truth, and I left. I left everything. If I knew what I was doing, I would have never left. I would have never left you. But you don't really think when so many things come flying at you." Harry nodded; he knew how that felt.

"Can I ask you something else?" Harry asked again.

Victoria laughed. "Sure," she said.

Harry smiled. "Can I, um, give you a hug or something?" Victoria smiled.

"Of course," she said, and held out her arms, embracing the boy she should have never left behind.

They didn't realize how bad they both needed each other.

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Author's Note: Hello everyone! I know, it's been so long since I updated, but I had to rewrite this again and again cause I didn't know just how to make it work between Victoria and Harry. I hope it's okay.

Anyway, this will be my last update for a while. I'm going on vacation Saturday for a week. Then Field Hockey starts, which takes up ALL of my time, and then I start my sophomore year in high school, which everyone says is the hardest. So I don't know how soon I will be able to update. I hope you will be patient with me like you have been this whole time as I fall into my crazy life after summer.

I'd like to thank Lina and Mio for reviewing this whole time. And thanks also to gemini.

Until next time…

Much Love,

RemmysGal


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